Penelope Jo - 1 Month

Our sweet baby girl turned 1 month old last week. I love that her birthday is on the 1st, it makes it really easy to know when all of her monthly "birthdays" are. She had her one month check up with the doctor this week, and she is a chunk! No surprise there. She is in the 96th percentile for weight, weighing in at 11lbs 14oz. She was down to almost 9lbs when we left the hospital, so she's gained almost 3lbs in a month. That nice oversupply that her twin siblings built up for her is going right to her waistline. She's grown 1/2" in length and is now up to 22".

In true newborn fashion, she sleeps all the time. We are starting to see a couple wake full periods, one early in the day and one right before bedtime. From 11am-5 or 6pm you can count on her sleeping and only waking to eat. I could use that time to be productive, but she likes to be held and I refuse to turn down newborn snuggles. Sometimes she and I will take a nap in our room while Scarlett and Clark nap, but usually we can be found curled up on the couch watching TV. Nighttime sleep has thankfully been really good. Yes she wakes up eat multiple times per night, but she is always right back to sleep. We're starting to see an 8pm bedtime emerging. Once she gets into a sound sleep, more on difficulties with that later, she'll sleep until anywhere from 1:30-3:30am. She nurses one or two more times after that initial middle of the night feeding and then she wakes up anywhere between 7:30 and 9:30 am.

We have a rock and play next to our bed that is supposed to be where she sleeps, but she doesn't sleep well in it. I always lay her down there to start the night, but she usually wakes up a few minutes later and then I let her sleep in our bed. We've done some variation of cosleeping with all of our kids, so we have experience in keeping a safe cosleeping environment. I would prefer that she sleep most of the night in her own space and only come into our bed for nursing, so if we can't get the rock and play to work, I may set up her crib next to our bed or try some type of bassinet.

Part of her issues with getting into a deep sleep stem from dietary issues. She is very gassy and is a "happy spitter." She is constantly spitting up, needs burped more frequently than any of my other kids, and seems to have some stomach issues. After dealing with milk/soy protein intolerance, MSPI, and acid reflux with Scarlett, I am very aware of what symptoms to be looking for. Spitting up, mucousy or bloody diapers, incurable diaper rash, excessive gas. Her symptoms are much milder than what we went through with Scarlett, but I noticed issues very early on. I cut all dairy and soy out of my diet a week ago, and I am already seeing positive changes. Her diaper rash, baby acne, musoucy diapers, and goopy eyes have all cleared up. I've noticed way less spit up in the last couple days. She actually wore the same outfit all day yesterday without soaking herself in spit up, so I'm hopeful that the spitting up continues to improve also.

Most of Penelope's awake time is spent being held by her brothers and sisters. Clark still isn't too keen on holding her, but the other three are always asking to hold their baby sister. She doesn't love tummy time, but will tolerate it for a few minutes. She does like laying on her play mat and staring at the Christmas tree or trying to turn her head to see the TV. Her favorite thing to look at is the windows in the living room. It doesn't matter whether the curtains are open or closed or whether it's night or day, she loves staring at the windows. She is also content to sit in either of her bouncy seats, which I utilize frequently when getting myself or the kids ready and when preparing food.

Penny is a generally happy baby, especially when she is sucking on her pacifier. She was so chill the first few weeks at home that Rob said he was constantly checking to make sure she was still breathing because we never heard her cry. She's now a bit more vocal when she's unhappy, but it's not uncommon for me to only hear her cry once in a day. She's still mostly oblivious to all of the crazy constantly going on around her, although she does startle when her siblings are being particularly loud. Even with one easy baby, I'm still exhausted all the time. I was exhausted before she was born , so I'm guessing it has more to do with the other 4 than it does her. Soon enough she'll be squealing along with her siblings and then I'm sure I'll be telling a different story, but for now easiest baby ever.

I refuse to wish away the time, but I'm excited to see what the next month has in store for her. I fully intend to snuggle the heck out of her in the meantime, because I newborns don't keep and the newborn phase is my absolute favorite.

Welcome To The World, Penelope Jo

I'm not sure why, but this pregnancy seemed to go by so much quicker than the other two. Maybe because there were no meds or monitoring leading up to it? Maybe because it was only 1 so I didn't get as big towards the end? Whatever the reason, 39 weeks seemed to sneak up on us, and now she's here.

We had another great experience and easy delivery. I opted for a repeat c-section and thankfully little miss was willing to stay in long enough for us to make it to our scheduled delivery. We arrived at the hospital at 5 am on November 1st. I knew I was already in early labor, but the contractions seemed very sporadic to me still. When they got me all hooked up and started monitoring the contractions, I could see they were coming about every 5 minutes. Thankfully none of them were too painful, so I was able to relax while we waited for 7am to roll along.

Right on cue at 7am we started having a continuous rotation of doctors and nurses filing in and out of our room. My OB, the anesthesiologist, all the various nurses that would be helping with delivery and recovery. I seriously can't say enough wonderful things about the medical team we had for delivery. We already knew how great my OB was, but every single person in the operating room did a phenomenal job. The anesthesiologist managed to keep my from getting sick during delivery, a first. The nurses were great about talking to me the whole time and keeping the mood light during delivery prep while we waited for Rob to be able to come into the OR.

When Rob finally got to come in and join us it was just a couple more minutes and then she was born, and she was big! Born at 7:54am, they originally weighed her at 10lbs2oz. She was kind enough to pee on the nurses while she was being weighed and examined. She was also kind enough to scream for pretty much the entire time it took them to get me from the operating table to recovery. It took a little extra time because I opted to get a tubal done along with delivery. (My doctor actually removed my tubes so there is a 0% chance of another surprise pregnancy. There's also a 0% chance of any tubal cancers which is why we decided to remove them instead of just tie them.)

30 minutes later I was finally in recovery, and baby girl was more than ready to have a snack and a snuggle. The only problem with that is that my blood pressure was pretty low, so I had to stay flat on my back while nursing her. Not exactly an easy task, especially when there are wires stuck to you everywhere. With a little help from Rob and our recovery nurse, we were able to get her situated and she finally stopped screaming at all of us. While in recovery they got her official measurements. Our longest and biggest baby by a significant margin. 9lbs13oz and 21.5" long. 2 lbs bigger and over 2" longer than any of our other kids. Its amazing how big a baby can grow when they have some extra room.

By 10am we were back to our room, I could finally wiggle my toes, and I was able to sit up and really enjoy some snuggles with our new baby girl. We do full rooming in while in the hospital and we didn't have any visitors until the evening, so it was a totally quiet morning and afternoon, just the three of us. It was the most relaxing few hours I can recall having for a while. No kids running around, no cleaning to take care of, just Rob and I and a snuggly infant.

I have found that the sooner I get up and moving after a c-section, the easier recovery is. By 2pm I was up and out of bed. It hurt like hell, but I knew getting up and going early would make it easier when the kids came up later in the evening. Thankfully that proved true and by 6pm I was able to walk around with minimal pain.

The kids came up after dinner and stayed for about an hour. Scarlett, Brooke, and Harrison were all in love immediately. Clark wanted nothing to do with her. He was willing to sit on the couch for a few pictures, but that was it. He was more interested in eating the Timbits they picked up in the hospital lobby on the way up and pushing the buttons on the hospital bed. After about an hour, the craziness of 4 kids on a sugar high and stuck in a small room reached its peak, so my parents loaded up our silly crew and took them home.

Our night nurse, Sarah, was fantastic. We had her both nights we stayed in the hospital and she was great about lining up my vitals checks with baby girl's checks and getting my meds incorporated to the same visits. I think we only saw her twice the first night and once the second night. It was so nice to be able to get sleep for more than an hour without someone coming in to check on baby or I. Even with our quiet nights in the hospital room, we were still hoping to get to go home after 2 nights. Thankfully my doctor gave me the ok and our pediatric group gave baby girl the ok too.

On day two we finally decided on a name for baby girl. I've felt a connection between her and the name Penny Pargeon since before we knew for sure if she was a girl or a boy. After spending 24 hours with her, we decided that Penny was a perfect fit for her and Penelope Jo Pargeon made its way onto her birth certificate.

My parents brought the kids up separately on Friday, so we got to see the littles in the morning while the bigs were at school, and the bigs in the afternoon while the littles were napping. It was much less chaotic that way and it gave them a chance to enjoy their sister more and also a chance for them to each get some mom and dad time.

By 9am Saturday  morning we were packed up and ready to go home. We still had to wait for them to process our discharge paperwork and for Penny to get her repeat hearing test. She failed her hearing test on Friday and then failed two more test on Saturday, so we're going to be following up with an audiologist next month. We finally got the ok to leave around 12pm. We came home, watched The Good Place, and then Penny and I snuggled up for a nap while Rob ran out to get my pain meds, which have since sat on the counter unused. The kids had spent the previous evening with my best friend and she brought them back home around 6pm. We ate dinner, watched Madagascar, and put everyone to bed late with the expectation that DST was going to make it a really freaking long Sunday.

It was a blissful few days having Rob home with us and getting to enjoy our completed family. Having a newborn in the house again is such a joy. Seeing our kids welcome a new little person into their tribe and watching them all love her immediately, even Clark who has yet to hold her but likes to wave at her and give her kisses, has been a dream come true. There is so much that led up to her being here. So much waiting, so much heartache, so much excitement. I sometimes feel in shock that she's actually here. When I look at her chunky face and smell her sweet newborn scent as she's snuggled close, I know that she's the perfect final puzzle piece for our family.

Welcome to the world, Penny. Every second of the wait for you was worth it. We can't wait to watch you grow and to see the person you will become.

Still Pregnant

Do you remember that one time I got pregnant and then my laptop keyboard broke so I didn't blog about the pregnancy at all? Oh, that's right now? Yep. My laptop keyboard is still broken almost 5 months later because I'm too lazy to drive the 30 minutes across town to get it fixed. I did finally decide to splurge and spend $11 on a keyboard. The touch screen keypad has been getting me through for the work I need to do, and it's already obvious that this keyboard is not going to get me through for long.

We have had a very uneventful pregnancy this go round. If it weren't for my "advanced maternal age" and our recent miscarriage we would have only had two ultrasounds and the standard appointment schedule of 6 weeks, then 4, then every 2 weeks in the third trimester. We did get a few extra ultrasounds in the beginning because of our circumstances going into this pregnancy, but we haven't seen the baby on the big screen since 20 weeks.

We did opt to do non invasive prenatal testing, also known as a Harmony test, since I am a bit older this time. We were able to confirm early on that there were no chromosomal abnormalities. We also had the option to find out the baby's gender at 12 weeks, so of course we said yes. Rob was team boy. I was team girl, and as it turns out the ladies will have the majority in this house. I've had a name picked out before we knew for sure she was a she. Unfortunately Rob doesn't love the name and neither of us can come up with anything else, so she may remain nameless for the first few days of her life.

Her anatomy scan around 18 weeks showed that everything is developing right on track. We got a reconfirmation of that with the MFM at 20 weeks, and then it's been a waiting game since then. It's odd to not have any idea how much she weighs or what her profile looks like. We had so much monitoring with both of our twin pregnancies, that it's been a totally different pregnancy experience this time. I'm fully convinced we're going to have a 9lb baby in a few short weeks. After two brunettes and two blondies, I'm also convinced she's going to be a ginger or a raven haired little lady.

I have been much more exhausted this pregnancy than with either of the other two. I'm not sure if it's age or chasing around 4 kids, but I feel it. The second trimester energy burst never came. I've just been tired. Naps have been an almost daily occurrence since 5 weeks. Thank goodness Scarlett and Clark still nap. I've been working more this pregnancy due to some staffing changes over the last couple months. I'm just glad I still feel well enough to work. I bought a Blanqui support tank specifically to wear to work, and I think it's made a big difference. Managing 40 dogs when you're 30+ weeks pregnant is no easy task, and the extra belly support has been much appreciated. I am now regretting my decision not to spend the money on one during my previous pregnancies.

I have had barely any round ligament pain and the braxton hicks contractions have just started within the last week. Both of those we're present from 20 weeks on with my twin pregnancies. It's been a blessing not to experience them so frequently. Even though there's only one baby this time, I'm still on track to gain the same as I did with Scarlett and Clark. I would have been at about the same with H and B too if it weren't for all of the preeclampsia swelling and water weight I gained in the last 2 weeks. It doesn't matter starting weight, diet, exercise, the number of fetuses, 50 lbs is the magic number for my pregnancy weight gain.

We're down to just over a month left until she arrives. We opted to do a scheduled c-section again this go round and I'll have my tubes removed during delivery. One surprise pregnancy we never thought would happen is all we can handle. We knew she was our final baby from the moment we saw the positive pregnancy test. Our delivery is scheduled for bright and early on November 1st. That gives us time to enjoy all of the fall activities we love with the kids and then rock their world with another baby. Now we'll keep our fingers crossed that she stays put for another 33 days. Just now typing that our made me realize how soon it really is.

Happy 6th Birthday, Harrison and Brooke

Harrison and Brooke turned 6 years old almost 2 weeks ago! They decided a few weeks before their birthday that they didn't want to have a party with friends, they would rather go to Cedar Point to celebrate. As much as I love to plan a fun, themed party, I was more than happy to forgo planning one this year. We planned to make their actual birthday as special as possible and then let them celebrate by riding all the rides on the weekend.

The night before their birthday Brooke asked me if they were going to wake up to balloons and presents in the morning. It's like she knows me. ;) They also told me what presents I should go buy after I put them to bed that night. Sorry to burst your bubble kids, but you're presents are already bought and you're getting what I got you whether you like it or not.

They woke up to balloons, presents, and donuts. They still had school and swim class on their birthday, so much of the day was business as usual. I was able to go into Harrison's class to celebrate his birthday with his classmates, and Rob was able to join Brooke in her classroom to celebrate her special day. After school and swim class we got to celebrate with the grandparents. Pizza, ice cream cake, and a late bedtime capped off their birthday. Simple but fun and exactly what they asked for.

Since pregnant women and roller coasters don't exactly mix, I knew I was going to have to sit out on their weekend celebration. My sister, who lives in Tennessee, offered to drive up and accompany Rob to Cedar Point. My mom also opted to go with, so H and B got to spend the day with 3 of their favorite people. They had talked about roller coasters all week, but ultimately decided smaller rides were more their speed, so they only did a few coasters. They did both tell me that riding the Gemini was their favorite part of the day, so at least they liked the coasters they did ride. They also got to play games, buy souvenirs, and eat ice cream, so it was a stellar day for them. They are still talking about Cedar Point a week later and planning what they'll ride when they get to go again. I am a little sad I didn't get to enjoy their birthday trip with them, but Rob was on Snapchat so much it's like I was almost there. Their excitement in telling me about all the fun things they did makes up for my absence.

It's crazy how much older they've seemed over the last few weeks. I have a feeling it has more to do with almost being done with their first year of school and less to do with their turning 6, but whatever it is, I've noticed. The next year is going to throw a lot of changes their way, and I'm excited to see how it all helps them grow. Happy 6th birthday, Harrison and Brooke. Your dad and I are so proud of the little people you are growing into.

Ethan Embryo

Today would have been our due date with Ethan Embryo. It's been looming over me for the entire month. I knew today was coming. All the excitement over the impending birth of the royal baby made it even more present in my mind. I remember when the palace announced that Kate and William were expecting again. I was 5 1/2 weeks along and thought, "Kate can't be more then a few days or weeks ahead of me. How fun is it going to be to grow right along with her." (I'm kind of obsessed with the British royal family if you didn't already know, and Kate can do no wrong, IMO.) After we lost E, their pregnancy was just a constant reminder of what we didn't have. This week it was a reminder that I should be holding a newborn in my arms, and I'm not.

I had some really dark days after we lost E. There were weeks where I couldn't go to Target or the grocery store because if I saw someone with a newborn in a car seat or carrier, I would start crying. We took the big kids to the Bluffton Street Fair a few weeks after the miscarriage, and at a time when I should have been laughing and enjoying my kids playing, I had to walk away because the sight of a young baby made me start crying uncontrollably. Poor Rob didn't know what to do. Staying at home was just as bad though. Being alone with my thoughts and the constant "what if" or "did I cause it," was misery.

We decided pretty quickly after the miscarriage that we were going to try again. Even if the chance was minute, at least there was a chance. At least I had some hope. It didn't have to be the end like I thought it was when we lost E. I don't think I would have been able to handle this week, to handle today, if we weren't expecting again. If we were undergoing treatment or had decided to stop trying all together, I would be an emotional mess today. Instead I was able to take the kids out this morning like it was nothing, all while thinking about the little baby that should be with us but is in heaven instead, and knowing that there's a new little life that will be joining us in a few months.

I spent last night frantically searching for our only picture of E. Our picture from the day of transfer, that hung on the fridge for months after our loss. It wasn't with our blastocyst pictures of H and B or S and C. It wasn't in any of the places I would have put it. I searched drawers, cabinets, books, photo albums. Why could I not remember where I put it? I had Rob help me pull out the fridge when he got home, and sure enough, there it was. At some point it fell down behind the fridge and we didn't notice. Our days went on even though I didn't look at the picture every day like I did in the weeks following our miscarriage, just like our lives went on and eventually the pain went away and we didn't even notice it was gone.

We will always think of E, especially on our due date anniversary each year, and think about what could have been. How our family could have looked different than it does now. How we could have had a different child in our life. How the loss of one little embryo changed me and changed how I viewed any future pregnancies. We will celebrate the short time we had with E, and the love and excitement we felt about adding him or her to our family. We mourn not getting to know Ethan Embryo in this lifetime, but celebrate knowing that we will get to see our little E in the next life.