The Results Are In

We're pregnant! No ish about it. After too many at home tests, and two blood draws with our baby doctor, we're officially pregnant.

Shirts

I wasn't sure if I was going to test at home or not. I really thought I wanted to wait until our beta, but one trip to Target changed my mind. I started testing at 2dp5dt, 2 days past 5 day transfer, which equates to 7DPO, 7 days past ovulation. I thought I would still have some HCG from our trigger injection in my system, and sure enough I did. I got a faint positive followed by a full negative on 3dp5dt. After a full negative I knew any lines on a test would mean we were pregnant. Low and behold, faint line on 4dp5dt. We were pretty excited, but still cautious. 5dp5dt brought an even darker line. YAY!

I continued testing up until the day before our beta, and in all honesty that was a mistake. I started reading into the darkness of the lines too much. 7dp5dt was lighter than 6dp5dt, and all of the bad possibilites entered my mind. Then came Dr. Google which is always a bad idea. I bought more tests which did help to ease my mind. Seeing the word pregnant on a Clear Blue didgital test helps to put things into perspective. I am pregnant. Enjoy it. Stop worrying.

Monday morning I went in for our first beta. I got the call from my doctor at 4pm that afternoon that we were pregnant. Our first number came in at 230 which was a great starting point. My mind eased up a little after that call. I went in for a repeat yesterday, and our HCG was up to 423 and progesterone was over 40. Ok, now it's becoming real.

We have almost 3 weeks until we go in for our first ultrasound, which seems like forever but I know will be here in the blink of an eye. We are waiting to tell Brooke and Harrison about the baby until then. Tonight we get to do my last progesterone injection, which is cause enough to celebrate. YAY! The suppositories that replace the injection are not so great, but it's better than an inch and a half long needle in my butt cheek each night. So far I'm feeling good. A little extra tired, and a lot of extra thankful that H and B still take daily naps.

We went out for an early Mother's Day dinner with our parents and shared the news with them this evening. Now that they know, we are ready to share it with the world. Even though we're not even 5 weeks along yet, we're ready to enjoy this pregnancy. Welcome to the family baby, or babies!

Embryo Transfer

Wednesday afternoon I got the call from our fertility clinic's Indy office that our transfer would be bright and early on Friday morning. I was planning a pre-transfer acupuncture session which meant we had to be there even earlier. We dropped off the kids at my parents Thursday night and headed home for an early bedtime. 

Friday morning we were on the road by 5:15am. A coffee and gas stop later along with a two hour drive, and I was in the door for my acupuncture appointment at 7:15. I was a little nervous about the transfer to come, but after acupuncture, I was only excited. I don't know if it was because I really needed it, or if the acupuncturist was that great, but it was the best acupuncture session I've ever had. I was rested, recentered, and ready to go. 

I was done just in time for us to head back to the ART suite and get changed into hospital gear. I took my Valium, drank some water, and we waited our turn. I don't know if it was the Valium kicking in, or just boredom, but I had a little too much fun with my cap. Robbie and I kept each other laughing to pass the time, and before we knew it they told us it was time to go back. 

They had us walk back to the transfer room. In the room with Robbie and I were Dr. Bopp, a nurse, the ultrasound tech, and an embryologist. They did a mock transfer first so they could see how the catheter would insert and where to place the embryos. Then the embryologist handed Dr. Bopp the catheter with the embryos inside. The catheter was fed into my uterus and then the embryos were released. They watch everything on the ultrasound monitor to make sure the embryos were placed into the ideal location. The embryologist checked to make sure both embryos made it out of the catheter, and then it was back to our suite room. I got the royal treatment and was wheeled back in a wheel chair.

I was able to use the restroom and get dressed right away. After stealing our doctor for a few quick pictures, they released us to go. They won't let you walk out, so into the wheel chair I went, and Robbie and I were gone within 30 minutes after the transfer was done.

We loved The Cake Bake Shop so much that we deemed a return trip necessary. Robbie talked it up at work so much that he took back lots of cookies to hand out. I chose carrot cake, a few macaroons, and a magic bar. They're sadly all gone, and there are no trips to Indy in our near future. :(

I slept for about half of the ride home, and before I knew it were were getting off the interstate. The dogs were crazy when we got home. They acted like we'd been gone for days, not just a few hours. Robbie had to head into work, so the dogs and I set up camp on the couch and watched Mad Men all day, and all day Saturday. We picked up a lot of soup from The OG on Thursday night, so I ate soup for two days straight while lounging around. It was surprisingly quiet and boring around the house without Harrison and Brooke. I was glad when they got home Saturday night.

Yesterday we got out to run a few errands, and I made dinner, but overall I'm still taking it pretty easy. I have an acupuncture appointment this morning, but nothing else planned for the day. maybe a short walk with the kids this afternoon. They've been really good about respecting my limitations. They still ask to be picked up and for me to run around with them, but when I remind them I can't they seem to understand.

So while we aren't technically pregnant, we're pregnant until proven otherwise. I'll live in my happy little pregnancy bubble for the time being, and hopefully it won't burst. A successful transfer isn't a 100% guarantee, but we have about a 70% chance of this cycle working, so the odds are in our favor. I go in sometime over the next couple weeks to get a pregnancy test drawn at my RE's office. We won't be sharing any news, good or bad, until we get a confirmation from the doctor and we share with our families first. As always, I am open to answering and questions, and you can follow along with daily updates on Instagram (@jennpargeon)

Thank you SO MUCH to all of you for your kind words, well wishes, positive vibes, thoughts, and prayers. They really do mean the world to us. We love and appreciate ever single one.

Egg Retrieval

Friday morning I had a bright and early 8am monitoring session. We were up to 10 follicles over 18mm, so I was pretty sure we were going to trigger that night. So were all of the nurses. Sure enough, I got that call that afternoon that my estrogen levels were over 4,000 and that I was to do my trigger shot that night. The trigger shot finalizes the maturation process so the eggs are ready for retrieval. It has to be timed exactly 36 hours before egg retrieval. We did a 5,000 iu shot of Pregnyl for our trigger. I mixed it up, iced my bum, then made Robbie watch me do the injection. He looked like he was about 2 seconds from passing out.

Saturday was business as usual. No injections, YAY!! Our retrieval time was 8:45am Sunday morning and we needed to arrive an hour early. Our alarms went off at 5am and we were out the door by 5:45.We both managed to stay awake through the entire drive. We arrived at the Carmel office at 7:40. We signed in and were immediately taken back to the ART suite.

I got dressed in my sexy gown, socks, and cap. There was a warm blanket too, so it wasn't all bad. The nurse took my blood pressure, placed and IV, and then we got to sit and wait. We talked to the anesthesiologist, and embryologist, and then our RE, Dr. Bopp, came in. We were the second retrieval of the morning, I feel bad for whoever had to be there before 7, so we sat in our room and bided our time until it was time to go back.

When I walked back to the operating room, Robbie went off with his sterile cup to make his contribution. This is how babies are made people. ;) After I was on the operating table, the nasal cannula was placed and the good drugs started flowing through my IV. Dr. Bopp came in and asked if I wanted him to sing me some Neil Diamond. I remember saying yes, and then it was lights out. 

The procedure itself only takes about 15 minutes. I don't know how long it was until I woke up, but Robbie was back in the room when I did. The nurse was in almost immediately. She brought me pain meds, Teddy Grahams, and apple juice. I felt like I won the after surgery snack lotto. Once my snacks were done, the nurse made sure I could sit up on the edge of the bed for a few minutes. They let us know 14 eggs were retrieved, and that they would call us tomorrow with the fertilization report. Then I got dressed, and we took off.

We made a quick stop at The Cake Bake Shop in Broadripple before we headed north. I had been dying to go here since one of my IG friends posted a picture a couple months ago. The decor, the pastries, and even their packaging is all amazing. If you have the chance, GO! I don't know that we'll have time, but I'm hoping maybe we can stop in again before or after transfer.

As soon as we hit the interstate, I started feeling nauseous. I was hoping for a little iced decaf caramel machiatto action, but I opted for just a buttered croissant that I scarfed down in a gas station parking lot while Robbie got me Gatorade. I cuddled up with my pillow and fell asleep as soon as we started moving again. We made it home just in time to pick the kids up before their nap.

Brooke and Harrison both brought me a few daffodils from Grandma's garden. They were so excited to give them to me. It was adorable, and definitely my favorite part of the day. I was pretty sore for the rest of the day, so movement was limited. I was still sore enough on Monday that I took some Vicodin when I woke up. Today I am not as sore, but I am still very bloated and uncomfortable. I have been chugging Gatorade in hopes of keeping fluid out of my ovaries and abdomen. 

I got the call yesterday morning that of the 14 eggs, 11 were mature, and 8 fertilized with ICSI. Unless our embryos all take a steep decline, we are scheduled for a Friday blastocyst transfer. The Carmel office will be calling tomorrow with our transfer time for Friday. I got all set up with Indiana Reproductive Acupuncture, so I will be having acupuncture done before our transfer.

We started a new set of meds yesterday, but only one injection. Unfortunately it's a 1.5" needle intramuscular injection. Robbie was a little nervous, but he did a great job last night giving me the injection. He hadn't had to do any injections through either of our IVF cycles up until last night. 

Our next few days around here will be pretty quiet as I try to rest, and we get things ready before I am on bed rest for a couple days, and the kids have their longest stay away from home. Two full days at Grandma's, and maybe an extra night depending on our transfer time. As always, news makes it to Instagram well before it makes it to the blog, so feel free to follow along @jennpargeon.

IVF #2 Update

We are just over a week into stimulating for IVF, and things are going well so far. We got off to a little bit of a rocky start, but we're smooth sailing now. When I went in for my monitoring appointment last Thursday, there were only 11 follicles that were growing, and my estrogen levels were at 82. That's really low, and not what they like to see. So they upped my meds and told me to come back in two days.

My appointment on Saturday was met with better results. Estrogen levels were approaching 300, and a couple follicles had reached the 10mm mark. We're aiming for 18-22mm, so still a ways to go. At yesterday's appointment, there were 26 follicles at 6mm or higher, and 2 of those were at 15mm, and my estrogen was at 753. Things are looking good. 

When they upped my meds, I went to 187.5iu of Menopur and 200iu of Follistim per day. We were tentatively scheduled for retrieval on Friday, but I have a feeling they're going to push us a day. The slow start put us behind enough that I thing we're looking at Saturday. I go back in tomorrow for another ultrasound and more blood work, and we'll know tomorrow afternoon if we will be triggering that night, or if we'll continue with stims. 

By Sunday morning, I was really starting to feel the bloat come on. Something as simple as chasing the kids around the playground, or giving them underdog pushes on the swings has become difficult. Monday morning I decided it was time to give up on real pants for the rest of this cycle. My jeans still button without a fight, but man do yoga pants feel so much better. 

We've been telling Brooke and Harrison that mommy is going to have tummy surgery and that's why I can't pick them up or run around with them. They seem to respond to that logic, but it's hard to not be able to pick them up. We've been trying to get out of the habit for a couple months now, but it's tough. I've still been picking them up if they get hurt, but I won't carry them anymore if they ask for it, and after retrieval it will be no lifting at all. 5 lbs will be my limit.

I've been trying to be conscious of what I'm eating, but it's hard with 6724 pounds of Easter candy in the house. In the grand scheme of things, I know a couple pieces of candy per day won't make or break a cycle. I have been eating a lot of protein and healthy fats, along with fruits and vegetables. Hard boiled eggs, yay Easter, avocado, grilled meats, pistachios, Penne Pomo, because olive oil, and Virgin Marys with lots of olives are a few things I've been consuming in mass quantities over the last week. I've been drinking as much water as possible and have also been upping my milk intake. I know I need to kick my decaf coffee to the curb, but I swear my days go better with a cup of decaf. I know I didn't worry too much about any of this last time around, but this cycle feels so different. So final.

Other than being sore and bloated, I am feeling really good. No crazy hormonal side effects and no headaches. I'll hopefully go in tomorrow and see lots of follicles approaching the 18mm mark. I'm ready for my last day or two of stims, and then the dreaded PIO starts. Bring it on!

IVF #2 Protocol

I can't believe we're only a couple months away from the start of our fresh IVF cycle. I am excited, scared, nervous, anxious, hopeful. Pretty much every emotion in the book can describe how I feel about this. It changes from day to day. Most days I'm excited and hopeful. Other days I'm sad thinking about our canceled FET and how if the embryos would have survived, we probably wouldn't be going through this right now. Thinking about the baby or babies that might have been. They would have been a couple months old about now. And while I've come to terms with losing all of our embryos, it's still painful to think about.

We've had a lot of progress over the last couple weeks when it comes to this next go round. We've had some tests done, received our protocol, and started working on getting our meds taken care of. Not only is the procedure not covered by our insurance, but neither are any of the medications. It makes me so glad we pay the ridiculously high premiums we do so that none of this can be covered. Sense the sarcasm? Yeah, I laid it on pretty thick. On the plus side our RE's office is helping us get the best possible prices on our meds and informed us of some potential assistance programs for cash paying patients.

Our tests that we had done pretty much dictated the protocol we will follow this time around. Since we already know from our canceled FET that all looks well internally, all I had to do was give a few vials of blood. My cycle day 3 labs are as follows:

Estrogen - 42.5                                  Normal <50
FSH - 6.5                                             Normal <10
AMH - 2.58                                        Normal >1.2

All of those numbers are within normal range, and pretty similar to where they were for our first IVF cycle. I did a day 21 Lupron protocol then, and will be doing the same protocol this time. However, the protocol has changed a little bit since last time, so there are a couple new drugs I'll be taking. The list of meds include:

Lupron
Follistim
Menopur
Ovidril
PIO

For those of you not familiar with IVF meds, the Lupron is used to down regulate the ovaries and make sure I don't ovulate. Follistim and Menopur are then used to hyper stimulate the ovaries. The Menopur is is new to me drug. Once there are enough mature follicles, Ovidrel is used to finalize the maturation process. PIO, is a progesterone injection that is taken only after the egg retrieval. All of the medications are injectables, and the only one I'm nervous about is the PIO. I didn't have to use it last time, and I've heard it's a real pain in the ass, literally.

Robbie wasn't lucky enough to get out on testing this go round. It's been a while since he had to have any testing done, so the needed an up to date semen analysis.

57mil/mL
26% forward motility
1% normal forms

Those numbers are pretty in line with all previous tests. Different clinics use different testing criteria for SAs, so I don't want to say what normal numbers are. According to our clinic, all Robbie's numbers are in the low range of normal, except for the morphology. It's due to the morphology number that we have to do IVF and that we'll do a process call ICSI, Intra-cytoplasmic sperm injection. They take the sperm and inject it directly into the egg instead of placing them in a dish and letting fertilization happen on it's own.

Now that I've bored you to death with all of the medical aspects of this, I'll hit you with our timeline. This can change by a day or two depending on my cycles, but I will be starting Lupron the last week of March. The first week of April is when we'll start stimming, and it will be about a month until we know if it worked. Pretty damn exciting stuff!

Over the next two months we are doing as much as possible to get ready, which I'll share more about later. The IVF process is rather draining, so I want to make sure I'm as healthy as possible. I also want to make sure we have any and all projects around the house, and at work done by then. It's going to be a busy and exciting few weeks, and I'm sure I'll be starting injections before we know it.

A couple weeks ago I was making chicken noodle soup. As I was cutting up vegetables, I started feeling a little queasy. I remembered briefly having the same feeling the day before. The first thought that popped into my head wasn't "maybe I'm coming down with something," it was "maybe I'm pregnant." So there I stand in the kitchen counting cycle days trying to figure out if it's even possible.

Robbie and I have been married for almost 10 years, and we've been trying to, or not trying not to, get pregnant for almost 7 of those years. In that time, I've learned more about reproduction and fertility than I ever wanted to know. I have also learned, and come to terms with the fact, that we will probably never get pregnant on our own. That still doesn't change the fact that every month I hold out hope for a miracle. And every month I am disappointed when a new cycle begins.

I am past the point of charting my cycles. I don't cry anymore when another month comes and goes. But I know enough to know when there is that less than 1% possibility that it could happen. And it never does, but it could. And so I hold onto that hope, and the disappointment that comes with it. I feel like that's a good thing.

When we had frozen embryos there was never any question as to whether we'd try for more. The answer was always yes, we'd like to have more. But then that option was taken away from us, and we had to really consider what we thought our family should look like. Robbie and I are both in agreement about another round of IVF, but there are days that I question if the expense is worth it. We have two amazing children and I know we could be happy if we are never more than a family of four. We're prepared for that, and we will gladly enjoy every day, just the four of us, if that's where our journey takes us.

The disappointment every month reminds me that the desire for more children is still there. It confirms to me that we are making the right choice to go through this again. So while I hate the feeling I get every time a new cycle begins, I'm glad I still feel the sadness 7 years after we started on this journey. I don't think infertility ever gets easier, at least for me it hasn't, but I've learned to live with it. I've learned to cope with the feelings of sadness, disappointment, and emptiness. Because along with those come feelings of hope, anticipation, excitement, and joy.

After the start of the year, we'll begin testing to make sure we're ready for our upcoming IVF cycle. While I don't necessarily enjoy blood work and ultrasounds, I'm excited about them because of what they mean. They mean we are getting closer to having a real chance at expanding our family, and that is something to be happy about. I will take the other emotions as they come, but being optimistic and happy is what I will choose to focus on.